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Dax Montana

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Saturday, July 12, 2003

Hidden Love

Wow! There were lots and lots of comments hidden under that old Code. Wow! I wondered what the deal was. It’s kinda like Christmas. I get to unwrap each old Post, and maybe there will be some hidden gold. It’s like scratching off the stuff on a Winning lottery ticket. Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 9:36:19 AM

W.T.F.?

While reading a comment over at Phil’s, Loco (where’d your site go?) asked about my comments not working? I DIDN’T KNOW they didn’t work. I mean, I clicked and there they were but the comment counter still says 0. Just Damn! I’ll see what’s up. After I read all the comments I didn’t know I had.


Update:

Thanks Tiff. (She left a hidden comment...Just Damn!)


posted by Dax Montana 8:55:21 AM

Drink of the Day

When I’ve had a tough day at the Blog/Barbeque Wars, There’s nothing that goes down easier than a tall, cool, glass of Sweet Tea. For those who don’t know, Sweet Tea is sweetened Iced Tea. The sugar is added while the tea is still steeping. It’s a Southern thing. I don’t expect everyone to understand. Sweet Tea is one of only two criteria I use to judge a Barbeque restaurant. The other is of course the Sauce. If the tea ain’t no good, the Q ain’t either. I’m sure we can fight over Sweet Tea too. Southerners take their meals very seriously.


posted by Dax Montana 8:34:42 AM

Dax Montana’s Official Statement on the Art of Barbeque.

I started this War so now I guess I have to fight it. Anyway, I knew that Sauce was a hotly debated topic. I never figured BBQ itself was debatable.

Here’s how I understood the Origins of BBQ. My Grandfather tole me that when that Bastard Sherman marched through the South burnin’ everything in site, the only food left for us were the scraps. See the Union Army stole all the “good” food. Not to say ole Grand pap was lyin’ but I kind figure he was pretty close to the truth. I figure that Man’s been cookin’ over an open flame since Caveman Days. Only they called it Oogin’ or some such.

Dax’s Official Definitions:

Barbeque-
1. An outdoor gatherin’ of hungry folks where meat is cooked over fire.
2. A grill, pit, or outside fireplace for cookin’ meat.

BBQ-
1. Pork

Now I know how some of ya’ll feel about BBQ and your not gonna take just my word for it. So I Googled. Here’s some of what I found to prove my case.

First, the Ugly Brothers Chime in:
“The Ugly Brothers Grillosophy
We Hold These Truths to be Self Evident:
1) If we weren't suppose to eat animals, how come they're made of meat?
2) Slow smoked pig meat is best.
3) When you think you've added too much garlic, add some more.
4) Everything is better if it has been brined.
5) A Weber is a damn good grill, but it is NOT a BBQ.
6) If you can own only one grill or smoker, get the Big Green Egg
CNBC TV Steals & Deals interview with Les Burden, Jr.
7) What Westerners call smoking Southerners call BBQ and what Westerners call BBQ Southerners call grilling. Northerners don't make these distinctions because they just can't cook.”


I was taught that Texas is West and Arkansas was South. Maybe were all caught up in Verbicide.
While searchin’ I found all kinds of pictures. So now I’ll post the photo evidence:





See, all Pigs so I guess BBQ means Pork. Now if you need more scholarly research, I can accommodate that too. Just click here. I’m too tired to re invent the wheel tonight. The link has all, and I mean all the footnotes and citations to further back up my case. Well, here's just a taste.

"Tar Heel magazine posits that the word "barbecue" comes from a nineteenth century advertisement for a combination whiskey bar, beer hall, pool establishment and purveyor of roast pig, known as the BAR-BEER-CUE-PIG (Bass 313)."

Bottom line…Grand pap wasn’t to far off and BBQ is Pork.


posted by Dax Montana 6:04:49 AM

Drink of the Day

It feels like a shooter kind of day. After all the Tequila, I want something a little fruity. The Jolly Rancher is perfect, sweet yet strong. The apple is good but I think we’ll mix it up with watermelon. Although any “Pucker” will do.


posted by Dax Montana 12:57:12 PM

Gratuitous Linkage

I’ve gone through my referrals and keep seeing hits coming from these places. So I thought I’d put your site up in links.

CaughtintheXfire is not only new in the referrals, but also new to the blogosphere. She needs a little help with installing comments. Let’s send her some love.

Robert Goodwin.net keeps coming back to the Hunt Club. Hey Bob! He’s keeping tabs on the boys at NASA.

That two-headed chicken guy at Random Acts of Debauchery Kindness; He’s gotten all political lately. He’s bustin’ chops up in Illinois. He and Bill Dennis of the Peoria Pundit.

Then there’s Big Phil…Philip Coons.com. Not only does he read the Dax Files, the sick bastard reads it everyday. Well, I made the daily reads list. Hey Phil…Your makin’ my ego swell. Just Damn!

Then there’s Kim at Velociworld. He’s been breaking rules and chasing lactating Barbie around the Blogosphere. And I thought I was strange!

Oh well, the ole clock on the wall tells me its time to go to work now. Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 1:24:30 PM

Drink of the Day

We’re feelin’ rather festive in the woods today. Therefore the mighty Margarita is our drink of the day. We like the Texas variety at the hunt club, besides Jarhead Mike at Jarhead Liquors was runnin’ a special on Tequila.

In a glass add, Ice, lots of ice. Then add 1 shot of Tequila, 1 half shot of Triple Sec, 1 half shot of Grand Marnier, a splash of orange juice, and a splash of lime juice. Fill it up with Sour Mix then Shake it all up and pour into a Salted glass. Lot’s of salt too. Then kick back and enjoy!


posted by Dax Montana 12:45:02 PM

Blogging Will Be Light?

Ha Ha, ‘round cheer, Bloggin’ is always light. I don’t know why I thought that funny. Light is such a subjective term. Is Bill Whittle ‘s Eject, Eject, Eject, Light posting? He doesn’t post every day. What if Instapundit only posted 2 or 3 entries? Yea, I’d think that would be light. I think most Bloggers post gist ‘bout right. Not too much and not too little. I certainly can’t post everyday. Sometimes things come up. Oh Well!

Maybe it means that entries will be of a none serious nature. I’m not discussing any bad stuff today only “light” topics. Anyway Blogging will be light today and probably tomorrow too.

posted by Dax Montana 12:25:57 PM

Giving in to Temptation.

As hard as I resist, sometimes I have to give in to temptation. I usually don’t follow the crowd, and I certainly don’t like answering a lot of questions. However, in honor of Acidman’s new appendage, I’ll answer those 25 questions he asked to WIMMIM about 5 days ago. I’m reading everyone else’s answers, so now you can read mine. Just Damn!


1. Do you have a personal hero? If so, who is it?

My personal hero is Acidman. What other limp dick crusty Georgia cracker, Starts a Blog full of pity and self-loathing because of his limp dick, which in turn becomes enormously popular thus facilitating the need for a Bionic Dick… Just Damn!

2. What is your favorite book of all time and what made it so fucking good?

Green Eggs and Ham. Dr. Seuss rocks. That dude can rhyme.

3. What does “diversity” mean to you?

All things, All fucked up!

4. What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done?

Driving for an hour to an unknown place in the deserted North Georgia Mountains to become an uninvited guest of a total stranger. I got Drunk, Fed, and sent home to be soundly beaten by my wife.

5. Do you regret doing it?

Hell No! I only regret not doing it again.

6. Can you drive a stick shift?

Is there anything else?

7. What’s the highest speed you ever traveled in a car?

183 miles per hour on the backstretch at Road Atlanta in a 1956 Ferrari 860 Monza

8. Were you driving, or riding at the time?

Driving, Shit, I was Flying!

9. Which is better: snakes or spiders?

Snakes scare the Shit out of people. They are much better.

10. What is the most disgusting thing you ever ate?

A cigarette butt… At a party many years ago, I thought my beer bottle was the one on the dresser, but Noooo! I drank from a Bud longneck that had been sitting on the dresser since the party from the week before. Only it wasn’t beer. Someone had pissed in the bottle and put out their butt in it. I knew I had just fucked up, but it was too late. The pissed soaked filter slid right on down my gullet. It didn’t taste good coming back up either…Just Damn!

11. Have you ever shit your pants? Be HONEST!

Absolutely! If you have ever seen that scene from American Pie, I was the guy who drank the Ex-Lax laced coffee. Only I never made it to the toilet, or in the house. I did make it out of the car though!

12. Was losing your virginity an enjoyable experience?

Intensely enjoyable!

13. Should oral sex be outlawed or encouraged?

Outlawed. Oral sex seems better and more exciting knowing that I could get jail time!

14. Name one man with a fine ass.

Dax Montana…only the fine ass is on my wife.

15. Do you watch golf on television? If not, will you iron my shirts?

Yes, there’s no better way to nap on a Sunday afternoon. Would you like a 5 iron or a 7 iron for those shirts?

16. Who is Martha Burk?

A cold hearted, ugly-stick beaten, shrew of a feminist who couldn’t get laid with any dick, Bionic or other.

17. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would be funny. Or smart, but I think funny gets more women.

18. Do you eat raw oysters?

Yes, but I like steamed better. Raw reminds me of slimy cigarette butts.

19. Are you claustrophobic?

Only in wide-open spaces.

20. If you rode a motorcycle, would you wear a helmet even if the law said you didn‘t have to?

Yes

21. Name five great Presidents.

Andrew Jackson. He tried to stop central banking. James Monroe. The Monroe Doctrine. Dwight Eisenhower. Kicked nazi ass! John Adams. Founding Father. Thomas Jefferson. The Declaration of Independence!

22. Name three shitty Presidents.

Woodrow Wilson. Gave us the Federal Reserve, and the Federal Income tax. Bastard! Harry Truman. Sure he nuked Japan but was too Chickenshit to Nuke Korea. Fired Macarthur. Gave us the United Nations. Abraham Lincoln. Abolished states rights. Didn’t free slaves. Created the Federal feudal system we live under now.

23. Now call me fanny and slap my ass. Just kidding.

Fuck you!

24. This is the 4th of July. Did you set off any fireworks?

No, I just drank heavily.

25. If you could have dinner and conversation with anyone in the history of the planet, whom would you choose?

Judas Iscariot. I think it would be cool to have a Last Supper with this guy. Seeing how he wouldn’t be betraying me.

Whew! That wasn't so Bad.



posted by Dax Montana 5:32:06 AM

The Drink of the Day
Kentucky Bourbon. Not whiskey, or scotch, or Canadian crap but true honest to god Kentucky Bourbon. It’s just one more thing Acidman and I agree on. Only, I allow a Coke “back” or chaser. If your mixin’ Bourbon your wastin’ taste. I like Wild Turkey 101. Knob Creek is good but it’s only 80 proof. Here’s to the new and improved Acidman!


posted by Dax Montana 5:25:13 AM

In Honor of Acidman

JUST DAMN!!!

I hope he heals quick! So in honor of his new Device I’m devoting most of todays post to the Crusty ole Cracker. Although, I do feel required to link to Frank today. I just don’t know why?


posted by Dax Montana 5:09:39 AM

Why Didn’t I just Shut Up?

Sometimes it’s a good thing to keep your mouth shut. You know right before you put your foot in it. In an intoxicated umbrage, I was reading The Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta. I like what he does. That’s why he’s on my Blogroll. I used to work close to his home in Dunwoody and therefore feel some sort of weird twisted kinship.

So anyway, I was drunk and pissed off at the Grouchy old bastard. I noticed a few weeks ago he had added a Georgia Blogs section to his Blogroll. That’s cool. I’ve started to read a couple of Blogs I didn’t know were Georgian. I noticed The Dax Files wasn’t included. I’m OK with that too. I realize this Blog may not appeal to everyone or anyone for that matter. So what does all this have to do with being pissed off?

TurtleMama

Turtlemama made his Blogroll and The Dax Files didn’t? Just Damn! I don’t want to rip on anyone’s Blog. I don’t want to get into any flame war. I want to play nice. It’s just that the Turtlemama Blog is just so out of character for G.O.C. It’s a Nice Blog! You must check out the Photo secton. Really great stuff.

Well, I did make the Grouchy one’s Blogroll, and found another good Blog from Georgia. I guess you don’t have to be Grouchy all the time.


posted by Dax Montana 7:02:31 AM

Stolen

I stole this image from Dizzy Girl.



"I realized something very scary last night while watching "Star Wars". Just another reason why I think voting Lieberman *or Democrat for that reason* is a very wrong, very evil thing to do. The similarity between the two is well eerie, right down to the cleft chin, freaky hair, and face fat. "

I couldn't agree more. Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 6:00:49 AM

Barbeque Sauce Revisited

I knew the battle raged on. From the front lines to the rear echelon, everyone has an opinion on Barbeque Sauce. What it really boils down to is personal taste. I’m almost sure there is a direct correlation between personality and style of Sauce preferred. Is it any wonder Acidman likes a Hot Barbeque Sauce? Adam likes a secret recipe so much he wants to market it, while Phillip talks about Barbeque Juice.

I decided to investigate the Barbeque phenomena. Actually, I just walked down the Sauce aisle in my local Kroger store. I counted about 43 different BBQ Sauces. I’m sure none are close to their original taste. Who knows, maybe the next K.C. Masterpiece flavor potato chip will come from some BBQ place in Arkansas. Paul Newman has a sauce. Cajun BBQ, Hillbilly BBQ, and I even saw Bulldog BBQ sauce. Just Damn! One thing this Georgia boy knows for sure…Store bought sauce is for shit.


posted by Dax Montana 3:35:31 AM

Drink ‘o the Day

The Shooter has a special place in my heart. Nothing gets to the point quicker than a Shooter. Shooters go great as the showstopper to any night of drunken debauchery. So tonight’s featured drink…Liquid Crack! Just Damn!

Liquid Crack is equal parts of Jagermeister, Goldschlager, and Rumpleminz. This is the shooter that puts most over the edge. As well as it should.


posted by Dax Montana 2:59:32 AM

Travels

The lovely and talented Priscilla and I were just hanging out tonight. That happens a lot in our house because we are married and have kids. We began to discuss my up coming and much needed and richly deserved vacation time.

I want to pack up the family and head down to South Georgia. There’s this little place you might have heard of called the Okefenokee Swamp. I think it would be big fun to take a canoe out in the middle of the swamp and camp out. Spanish moss, Alligators, and Water Lilies have a special lure about them. I envision myself as Dax Montana - Alligator Hunter. However, would a world famous Alligator Hunter postpone his trip because of Bugs? Damn Straight! The swamp has skeeters as big as birds. Gnats and No See Ums get as thick as sorghum syrup. There isn’t enough bug killer for a summer trip to the Swamp.

We aren’t sure where we will go but we have a list of places we would like to go someday. Priscilla wants to go down under to Australia. I’m not exactly sure why but I’m agreeable. Then there is Quint. He wants to go to China. I’m all for that trip. I’d like to walk along the Great Wall and eat Real Chinese food. Ashlyn wants to see Mickey Mouse and Devin is totally indifferent.

I, on the other hand, have wanted to climb the Great Pyramid. I want to touch the Mighty Sphinx. I think the Nile River would be too nasty to swim in but it works for my travel fantasy. I imagine that time would flow through my fingers as I felt the eroding sand pitted structure. Maybe next year


posted by Dax Montana 3:19:14 AM

The Politics of Experience

I hardly know myself much less anyone else. I sit in my big ole chair and just watch people. I like to watch as they experience me experiencing them. I make a lot of people nervous as I size them up. That’s for damn sure. I look for the little subtle things about them. The little nervous ticks like a quiver in the brow, or their jaw movements. I study them all. Most of all, I like to watch people think. For example, last night I stole a few moments watching this young server play Minesweeper as she waited for me to count her money. Never mind the fact that she halved my best scores. Bitch! I hate to lose, especially to a girl. Just Damn!

Anyway, I sucked up my ego and pretended not to care even though it was eating me up alive. I watched her eyes while she quickly clicked away at the game. Her jaws tightened every time she clicked the mouse. One thing for sure, she is very focused on her tasks. It’s not surprising; she works the same way too. When she is focused, she makes more money. I wish I could get everyone to focus like she does. She is one of the few servers that increase my comfort level. That is, when she is on the floor, I don’t have to worry about her customers. The sad thing is she is leaving at the end of the month. Just Damn!

Although she is leaving, I would like to think I have been a positive influence in her life. I really try to help all the people who work with me. I try to get people to think for themselves and take responsibility for their actions. I try to get to know them and help them with the difficult decisions they face each day. I let them know that I don’t have all the answers but will try to work out a solution just the same. God help them all!


posted by Dax Montana 8:12:00 AM

The War Between the States

There’s a feud going on here in the South. No, not the one you might think it is but one more insidious, more divisive, and more insurrectionary than you might think. The little known battles fought at each Southern Barbeque. The War of the Sauces has been known to divide families and even households. Every Southern man has a version of Barbeque Sauce he calls his own. Sure some are Hot, or Bold, or Spicy, some are really Thick while others are Thin. However, the Mason Dixon Line of Barbeque Sauce is the South Carolinian Mustard based sauce or the North Carolinian Vinegar based sauce and stretching over to Tennessee’s Ketchup based sauce.

I don’t have the actual history of this war, but I have seen the destruction left by its wake. I’ve even heard of a Guy shooting his buddy’s dog over sauce. We Southerners take these things quite seriously. That crusty ole cracker, Acidman, lives near the South Carolina border. I’m sure he’s got a few tales to tell.

Anyway, I like my sauce slightly hot, really thick, and Ketchup based. I add Coca Cola and brown sugar to mine just to sweeten it up. I have added a little Vidalia onion to it from time to time. I guess it was how I was raised. Don’t get me started on Rubs. I have a rib rub that’ll knock your panties off.


posted by Dax Montana 5:36:41 AM

Drink of the Day

The drink of the day is the “Susan.” It is really a Sea Breeze, vodka, cranberry juice, and grapefruit juice. However, Susan likes hers with House vodka because the good stuff gives her a headache. (I think she is just cheap.) Also, lots of grapefruit juice with a shot of cranberry juice on the side. (She likes to add it herself.) It is served in a Mason jar we save only for her. She always has a double. So tonight I’m having one because I am cheap and only have cheap vodka. I like mine with the really tart grapefruit juice. Of course, I just add the splash of cranberry juice right in at the beginning. When I saw that lonely Mason jar in the cupboard, I knew what I was having. Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 5:03:23 AM