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Dax Montana

Hunting for the Finer Things of Life

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Saturday, May 24, 2003

Out of Gas

With my truck out of commision for a while, I need transportation to work. I borrowed a car from my Father-in-law. So being new to the car, I didn't know how to turn off the wipers. The first five miles, I'm driving down the street with the stupid wipers on. Just Damn! The radio works great! For the first time in years, I actually listened to music in the car instead of Talk Radio. Anyway, I leave work at about 2:00 am. I notice I'm in need of fuel. No big deal, I'll just head up to the QT for a fill-up. No, Not gonna happen. I run out of gas! Damn! So, after pushing the car out of the middle of the street. I start walking. I'm not far from a customer's house. I decide to walk there, after all, I've taken his drunk ass home several times.

The Triangle is the nick name for this guy's house. Its some old overgrown dirt road time has forgotten about. Maybe back in the fifties, it was considered a nice area. The dirt and gravel road lead off the main highway. The black hole of darkness enveloped me as I entered the "Triangle." Tripping over the potholes and tire ruts, I walk. I walk and walk, and walk some more. Man, it doesn't seem so far by car. Off in the icky blackness, I hear the howls of laughter. I feel at ease hearing the familiar sounds. Almost there. Tired and sweaty, I arrive at the home. Startled and drunk, I am greeted with a cold beer. I declined naturally. (I still have about 30 days of sobriety to go.) I hang out and chat awhile. Now armed with a can of gas, I make the trip back to the road. It's good to have good customers.


posted by Dax Montana 11:48:51 PM

Another Rip-off

Yes, it’s another Government mandated hidden tax disguised as a victimless crime. It's "Click it or Ticket" time this holiday weekend. Your stopped at a government check point and asked to show your papers. Just make sure your buckled up. Never mind the fact that you take the personal responsibility for your non-action. Fascist Bastards!


posted by Dax Montana 11:35:17 PM

Caffeinated

Coffee is good. Caffeine is good. I like my coffee black. It’s hot steamy goodness easing down the back of my throat. Some like the silkiness of cream in their coffee. Others like the sticky sweetness of sugar. I like a cigarette with my coffee. I like to chase down the thick choking smoke with hot coffee. Coffee is best after it has cooled just a touch. Too hot and it scalds the tongue. Too cold and the bitterness creeps in. I don’t like cold coffee. Coffee is an acquired taste. You have to learn to like it. The struggle to like coffee is outweighed by the effects of the caffeine. Caffeine makes me feel good. De-Caffeinated coffee is bad. If coffee tastes bad but the effects are good, then why drink coffee without the caffeine. It just doesn’t make sense. Same goes for non-alcohol beer.


posted by Dax Montana 8:37:08 AM

Model Trains

I was reading about Ricky’s trip to Chattanooga. He happened to mention model trains. I like model trains. I always wanted one as a kid. I never really had a place to lay out a track. I bought my son (Yea, Right!) a train a couple of years ago. I still don’t have a place to layout a cool track. I wanted to build hills, and tunnels, and have little buildings all over the place. Now the train sits in a box in the attic. Just Damn! I don’t know what it is about trains. My youngest loves Thomas the Train. He flat out loves trains period. He rolls his toy train around the floor, the cat, his mom, and his sister, even his peanut butter sandwich. I took the clan out to the Railroad Museum and the kids had a blast. They wanted to blow the whistle again and again.

There is some strange mystique surrounding trains. Maybe it’s the American folklore. I have had many bizarre experiences around train tracks. I have collected railroad spikes, put many pennies on tracks, and even hopped a freight. Trains are really cool. On clear nights, I occasionally hear the train off in the distance. It’s always a soothing sound. I have always wanted to take a sleeper somewhere. Of course, with my luck the train would de-rail.


posted by Dax Montana 5:14:00 AM

Survivor



Ok, here we go again. In the wake of the De-Linking trend, the Acidman has created his version of Blog Survivor. All Blogs are potential De-linkees including his coveted Original crew of which I’m a proud member.


Here are the first 3 Nominees:


#3 joni Electric. (And I did NOT rig the vote. That was her number.)



#19 daily pundit



#67 country store.



#0-- NONE OF THE ABOVE!





posted by Dax Montana 6:57:25 PM

Makeover Madness

I think I need a Makeover. It’s not as if I’m a seedy character or anything. OK, I am a seedy character. Anyway, I watch a lot of television. It seems that one of the big trends is the “makeover.” First you are shown the before shot. It doesn’t matter if it’s a person losing weight, or a yard, or a room in a house. As a matter of fact, the home makeover shows are the latest trend. Trading Spaces, While You Were Out, and Designing for the Sexes are but a few home makeover shows. The TV talk show circuit has known for years that the personal makeover produced big ratings. I think the allure is you get to see the horrible “before” shot with the promise of the “after” shot being so radically different.
So the question remains. Why “Makeover”? And what next? Which of course leads me to these photos.


BEFORE AFTER




As you can see, the “after” shot is radically different from the “before” shot. Just Damn! Big difference. It’s completely obvious why the makeover was needed…to appeal to the media and potential jurors thusly making her more believable. But what comes next? Why do I want to continue watching?


posted by Dax Montana 6:07:55 PM

35 Days

And counting. June 24 is the day when I am released from my self-imposed sobriety. I am so undisciplined in so many different aspects of my life. However, it seems to be empowering to not drink especially while employed at a neighborhood bar. Imagine my delight when the boss flat out told me that he didn’t care if we drank for free. That’s Big! And I do mean Huge! Oh well, not for another 35 days. It’s not like I want to drink everyday. I just find myself declining more drinks and just saying thank you more and more. Then of course, the discussion of why I don’t drink comes up. I have passed on company parties and opted out of events just because of my restriction. 100 days is a lot longer and harder than initially thought. 27.39% of a year alcohol free. What was I thinking?


posted by Dax Montana 5:23:16 AM

To Many Thoughts

During one late night early morning Blog lurking tirades, I stumbled across Conservatives Suck. I have to admit the title got me first. I liked a post or two plus there were a few neat links to follow so I Blogrolled it. As a self admitted diamond in the rough blogger, I thought I’d check back and see if I could find some nuggets. Well, I found this neat little story.

If growing meat on a tree is a reality, what a Pandora’s box of genetics is opened? Think splicing beef with grapefruit and I thought Corn Dogs were a great idea. I need to get with it. I would love to go out into the back yard and prune my spare rib bush complete with hickory seasoning. Maybe, I’ll grow a buffalo wing vine. The nursery business will boom and the back yard barbeque will be king.

I can envision other applications of these bio-botanicals. If meat parts are grown, then how about whole animals grown from plants. I would personally like a cat-producing tree. I could Bonsai the sucker and grow little cats that would hunt the bugs in my home. Would a Bonsai cow tree grow veal?

Another question…is the converse true? If meat is grown on a tree, can fruit be bred from animals? Could I raise rabbits that produce grapes? Suddenly vegetarians could eat meat and shun fruit. Just damn! No sleep for me tonight!


posted by Dax Montana 4:51:37 AM

Off the Cuff



From my secret location, I wanted to comment on this story. If this was in fact a school function, then the suspensions are warrented. However, if this is a party organized outside the school, then the local law enforcement should be dealing with the situation. I want to be consistant with my viewpoint. I stated in an earlier post that the White Prom was a private function as is this hazing incident. I don't think the lines should be blurred. Although I think both gatherings were stupid, I also think the school has no business in the private associations between students. I would hate for my child to be suspended because he participated in a private function that may be considered politically incorrect or where felonies occured. I don't know. I may be wrong.

posted by Dax Montana 8:02:33 PM

Gotta love ‘em

My kids are all fucked up. I have to love them nonetheless. Sure, I could write about how great, athletic, and smart they are like that crusty ole Georgia cracker does every other weekend. I’ll give him this; the apples don’t fall far from the tree. Any way, my kids are all fucked up. In the early morning hours, I arrive home to a house of sleeping angles. They look all peaceful and angelic as they lay sleeping snuggled in my bed. Who would’ve thought that by day these angles are pure unadulterated evil?




I wake up in the middle of the night. Stumbling off to find the toilet, my unprotected, bare feet plunge into the deep pile of the carpet. Then without warning, I feel the sharp pain of the LEGO piercing into the tender underbelly of my foot. Hopping like a crazed madman, I piss myself. Fucking kids!

It’s not always the child-induced injuries that lead me to this conclusion. My youngest shares all his food, from pop tarts to pasta with the cat. What the fuck is he thinking! He takes a bite then the cat takes a lick or three. Just damn! My little princess lines up her Barbies in the tot chair and forces them to watch the 1429 viewing of The Little Mermaid. If that’s not enough, my oldest son jumps on every piece of furniture pretending that the carpet is a sea filled with alligators waiting to eat him should he land on the floor? Oh the screaming, fighting, the selfishness as they kick, fight and bite each other. Kind of makes me glad I have a job. No wonder my wife is fuckin’ nuts!


posted by Dax Montana 5:33:53 PM

Reciprocity

I need to give thanks for the reciprocity. In the latest trend to trim Blogrolls, not only have I been kept around but a few have even added The Dax Files to their repertoire. The Velociblog has added ole Dax as well as a fellow Georgia Blogger over at North Georgia Dogma. Hell The Capitalist Lion even used my image of the new Twenty-dollar note on his site. Makes a man proud!


posted by Dax Montana 3:41:50 AM

A Taste of the South

I need some good ole Southern cookin’. I suddenly have a taste for baked ham with Coca-Cola and brown sugar glaze. How ‘bout a slice of some Robert E. Lee cake? I want some pole beans cooked with fatback and homemade cream corn made from Silver Queen corn. Hell yea, some cornbread too! I’ll wash it all down with a mason jar full of sweet tea. Has anyone seen my cast iron skillet?


posted by Dax Montana 3:15:03 AM

Dax Montana gets Serious!

All right, I’m done fuckin’ around with this Blogging crap. At first, I thought it was kinda neat to write some stuff then link to some more stuff and maybe even post a picture. Well no more of that! I am now making a concerted effort to actually be read. I am making changes in my blogging habits… you know like posting everyday. Before, I just didn’t care if I had a voice in the Blogosphere. Instead of being the hunter, I think now I want to be hunted. Go figure!


posted by Dax Montana 3:02:17 AM

Censored!

Driving home from a long, long day/night of work. I’m still wound up from serving food and drinks to the masses. The Karaoke ringing in my ears. All I want is to sit quietly in front of the computer and read a few Blogs before sleep comes down. The Rain falls heavily on the windshield. I feel the clap of thunder vibrate through my body as the flash of lightning is etched onto my retina. Oh! The joy of thinking up the perfect post. You know the one…. The one Instapundit is sure to link to propelling you to instant Blog popularity. The same one you soon forget as soon as you sit down in front of that blank page. Just Damn!

The strange light illuminates from the kitchen window as I pull into the garage. The house seems strangely quiet. I stealthily enter the house not wanting to wake up sleeping children. I follow the flickering light into the bedroom where I find my wife sitting next to a flickering candle and a flashlight by her side. “The power’s out,” she states matter of factly. Quite possibly the worst phrase ever to be uttered. It’s one thing to be banned by Tony, but it’s quite another to be Censored by God. Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 1:46:47 PM