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Dax Montana

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Friday, January 24, 2003

I rather liked this one from June 8th....

Let a and b each be equal to 1. Since a and b are equal,
b2 = ab (eq. 1)


Since a equals itself, it is obvious that
a2 = a2 (eq.2)


Subtract equation 1 from equation 2. this yields
a2 - b2 = a2 – ab (eq. 3)


We can factor both sides of the equation; a2 – ab equals
a(a – b). Likewise, a2 – b2 equals (a + b) (a – b). (Nothing fishy
is going on here. This statement is perfectly true. Plug in
numbers and see for yourself!) Substituting in to equation 3,
we get
(a + b)(a – b) = a(a – b) (eq. 4)


So far, so good. Now divide both sides of the equation by
(a – b) and we get
a + b = a (eq. 5)


Subtract a from both sides and we get
b = 0 (eq. 6)


But we set b to 1 at the very beginning of this proof, so this
means that
1 = 0 (eq. 7)


This is an important result. Going further, we know that George
Bush has one head. But one equals zero by equation
7, so that means that Bush has no head. Likewise,
Bush has zero leafy tops, therefore he has one leafy top.
Multiplying both sides of the equation 7 by 2 , we see that
2 = 0 (eq. 8)


George Bush has two legs, therefore he has no legs. Bush has
two arms, therefore he has no arms. Now multiply equation 7
by George Bush’s waist size in inches. This means that
(Bush’s waist size) = 0 (eq.9)


This means that George Bush tapers to a point. Now,
what color is George Bush? Take any beam of light that
comes from him and select a photon. Multiply equation 7 by
the wavelength, and we see that
(Bush’s photon’s wavelength) = 0 (eq. 10)


But multiplying equation 7 by 640 nanometers, we see that
640 = 0 (eq. 11)


Combining equations 10 and 11, we see that
(Bush’s photon’s wavelength) = 640 nanometers


This means that this photon – or any other photon that comes
From Mr. Bush – is orange. Therefore George Bush is a
bright shade of orange.


To sum up, we have proved, mathematically, that
George Bush has no arms and no legs; instead of a head, he
has a leafy top; he tapers to a point; and he is bright orange.
Clearly, George Bush is a carrot. (There is a simpler
Way to prove this. Adding 1 to both sides of equation 7 gives
the equation
2 = 1


George Bush and a carrot are two different things, therefore
They are 1 thing. But that’s not nearly as satisfying.)


What is wrong with this proof? There is only one step
That is flawed, and that is the one where we go from equation
4 to equation 5. We divide by a – b. But look out. Since a and
b are both equal to 1, a – b = 1 –1 = 0. we have divided by
zero, and we get the ridiculous statement that 1 = 0. From
there we can prove any statement in the universe, whether it
is true or false. The whole framework of mathematics has
exploded in our faces.


Used unwisely, zero has the power to destroy logic.


Now you know the horror it is to be me!



posted by Dax Montana 6:15:30 AM

I started reading some of my Archived Stuff. Some was pretty good but most was crap. Anyway, I think I'll repost a few of the earlier gems...

...May 22, 2002...

THE THERMODYNAMICS OF HELL
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was "so profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year,
"......that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,"
and take into account the fact that I STILL HAVE NOT succeeded in having
sexual relations with her, then NUMBER 2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and will NOT freeze.

The student received the only "A" given.


posted by Dax Montana 6:10:35 AM

I’ve done it again! That’s right…I’ve corrupted enough files to warrant a “fdisk.” For those of you who can’t remember DOS commands, it’s wiping everything off of the C: drive and reformatting it too. Big fun. So today I’ll spend most of my time backing up the 3 important files and the 100 non-important ones. Not only do I keep a bunch of crap around the house, I keep plenty on little compact discs too.

posted by Dax Montana 5:22:53 AM

I once heard Acidman say, “I am a Liberal.” I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. He mumbled something about the true since of the term “Liberty.” He can explain himself and maybe he will post his definition on his Blog. However, Acidman does share one aspect of liberalism…Passion. He writes about his passion for ….go read him. I being of true conservatism don’t seem to have that fiery passion anymore. (hence the lack of posts lately.)

posted by Dax Montana 2:16:59 AM